Fathering in Faith

As I’m in the last month before a full year without Christina, I often think of the concept of healing.

How do I know I’m making positive progress?

What does healing even look like?

In college, a general ministry class of mine had us go through the stages of grief and we had to write a paper about our grief. I got an F on my paper. My teacher said “I didn’t grieve” when I talked about how I often lived in regret after my grandma passed. I wished I could have spent more time with her and my mom while she had Alzheimer’s. I was angry at the teacher’s response! Did I get an F cause I didn’t experience all stages of grief? Or didn’t write about it?

After Christina’s passing, I remembered that time. How do I know I’m grieving well? Is it about how much I cry? How much I am generally sad?

Here is my conclusion: any stage of grief is grieving. Wow. Revolutionary I know.

But what about healing? I think healing is when you decide to engage with your grief. If you are in denial, talk to God about it. Process it. Ask yourself “why?” If angry, talk to God about it? Ask yourself what makes you angry specifically. I think the main difference between grief and healing is choosing to engage in it. Choosing to work through it. Talk about it. Give it to God. Lament.

Am I seeking wisdom and counsel or am I avoiding working through something tough? Do I avoid talking about Christina because of pain?

Asking yourself similar questions is helpful. One of the biggest dangers is letting numbness invade every area of grief. Not letting God in. Not letting God work on your heart and give you His peace.

““Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5‬:‭4‬ ‭NET‬‬

To receive real comfort from the Lord, He encourages us to mourn, both to Him and with Him.

So when will I be healed fully? I imagine when I am with Jesus again. To ask a question like that of yourself is to assume that this grief won’t affect you years down the road. That assumption prevents healing as well.

If I could say one thing only it’s this: engage with God. Remain in Him (John 15). When you do that, the healing takes place. Because God is our healer.

For anyone who is struggling with your own healing, and God isn’t your answer yet, I leave you with this:

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke on you and learn from me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy to bear, and my load is not hard to carry.””
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭11‬:‭28‬-‭30‬ ‭NET‬‬

“For everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭10‬:‭13‬ ‭NET‬‬

Give your life to God. Give your sin, He forgives. Give your pain, he comforts. Give your life, he gives eternal life.