Fathering in Faith

“O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭34‬:‭8‬ ‭NASB1995‬‬

Saying it’s been six months since Christina went to be with Jesus seems so unreal. On one hand, it feels like it’s been an eternity, and on the other, I’m amazed it’s already been that long.

I have mulled over what I was going to say for a while now, but I decided to go with something less poetic. Hopefully this will help you in how to pray for me and also how to thank the Lord for the work He is doing as well.

What I’m Struggling With:

• Christina was so good at being a mom. She dreamed of caring for a child for so long and when God gave us Ramsey, she took that gift from God and was the best at it. I on the other hand, struggle. Carrying grief while trying to stay strong in discipline, habits, food intake. I still feel like I’m surviving as a dad and I know I want to grow in that area.
• Along the same line, six months without Christina means that Ramsey is already at 15.7% of his life without a mom. That breaks my heart. I try to make sure we talk about her often so he can remember stories when he is older. Also, some of me writing this is so he can look back later on in life and see how much his mommy loved him.
• I’m lonely. When you have a young kid tied to a schedule, you end up not fitting in with any crowd. I’m thankful I have family who are amazing and allow me to do things that make me feel normal at times, but there are plenty of days that I put Ramsey to bed and experience the weight of loneliness.

What I’m Thankful For:

• Abiding in Christ. There are days I have to work hard to get my mind to commit the time and put in the work, but seeking the Lord in this has kept me from despair. I remain hopeful in God’s plan for Ramsey and I. And I will always trust Him.
• Family. Christina’s family have been such a blessing to Ramsey and I. I mentioned loneliness before, but there are so many who have it worse than I do. Ramsey gets to be with his Mamaw at least twice a week, we go down the street to Ramsey’s cousin’s often to play. Pawpaw helps me with so many things around the house. Him and my brother in law check on me so often. And my family, although further in distance, love me so well too. Visits, FaceTiming, planning trips. I’m blessed and I’m thankful.
• The church. I’ve said it in another post, but Fellowship Bible Church is a huge blessing to me. So many have covered us in prayer, in gifts, in company. Community is one of the most amazing things God provides.
• Friends. Most of my friends are spread out all over the place, but I have so many who were there immediately and still there now. There to listen, love, and just be present.
• My Refuge Family. In early November, I was just scrolling through Instagram hoping to find some sort of Christian widower community and I luckily saw Refuge. That night I registered without even checking with family or my church on if those dates work. But God knew I needed this group. He made it easy to get there. And now, my brothers and I regularly connect through calls, zooms, and social media. I’ve gained brothers who are the biggest blessing I can imagine.

So here I am. 6 months without Christina. The weight it still so heavy, but I choose to take refuge in the Lord. He indeed is good. Always.

Thank you all for reading this and continuing to pray for Ramsey, myself, and Christina’s friends and family. Love you.